The vast expanse of inky blackness darkened as the night went on. The sun rays had long since disappeared over the horizon to be replaced with thousands of stars. A light breeze rustled the leaves. Looking up through the tree branches it was easy to believe it was endless that it went on forever. Karna sat still on the grass at the Parvat of Mahendra where in the ashram of his guru Parshurama he was learning the Brahamastra vidya but Karna wasn't able to experience that warmness of the grass, the same soothing feeling which he had sitting in his verandah, the touch of the grass there was much more warm and soothing then his lavish bed but here in Kalinga on the Mahendra he felt extremely alone. , the wind was tussling his hair, the breeze tickling his cheek but he couldn't sense anything, his eyes drooped to the ground. He stared over the windblown landscape, dark clouds were forming in the distance over high mountains, He whispered to himself " I whisper to no one, I am alone, I am horrified at the prospect, but here I am sitting in the gloom of a unwanted storm alone, I have nobody to hold me, nobody to whisper in my ears sweet melodies, nobody but myself. I keep staring over the horizon, I know I have lovely people as a part of my life, but I am alone now, my misery settles like a damp towel, covering each and every glint of hope I have left, wetting my heart, chilling me to the bone, I sit there, I sit tired and weak and heartbroken, I don't care if I die before I get home because of the lie that I spoke, nothing maters now but just Brahamastra and my promise to my friend and myself!",
He was in the ashram for more than ten days now. These days were of complete torment to him as he lied to the person he respected the most after his parents. Whenever he would think this larger guilt then fear would tear him from inside
"Who are you?", asked him guru Parshurama when he first met him
"Bhargav! From the Bhrugu clan of Bhramins", answered Karna afraid that Guru Parshuram would too reject him like Guru Dronacharya on hearing that he was a Sutputra as it was wellknown like Drona taught only kshatriyas Parshurama taught only Brahmins
"Why are you here?", Parshurama queried
"I want to learn Brahamastra lord", answered Karna
"Call me guru Bhargav not lord! Come in dear", Parshuram replied in a firm voice
"It wasn't for me but for Bhargav! I can never be Brahmin, I am just a sutputra! Oh god why am I here, for what did you make me? They say you are born for some reason but I haven't still found mine! Why this world hates me? am I a bad omen!! Now I know why the caged bird sings. I feel as if I'm the caged bird, my duty is the cage, and I won't ever be free. Please, whatever or whoever is listening: Let me be free." cried Karna silently out of pain staring at the sky He closed his eyes to free the thoughts that crowded his mind, focusing only on what he wanted most in the world?
Just then "Bhargav!", called out Aditya and It disturbed Karna's painful thoughts and he glanced at Aditya his mate at the ashram
"Why are you sitting here alone?", queried Aditya with concern
"Nothing...just trying to discover what this night means?", Karna sounded lost
Aditya sat beside him to company him and replied "Sky at night hmm... Looking up at the sky as I gaze upon the moon I think it struggles to shine through the thick clouds that cover its glow. Everyone here is like it trying to prove himself ...like moon struggles with clouds we do with our competitors isn't it Bhargav? Here, you can actually see the stars as they wink and twinkle at the people on Earth. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like - to be free like the stars"
"For me the sky is as beautiful as it is deadly, bright as your wildest dreams but dark as a nightmare. It can set you free, or trap you in invisible barriers that confine and leave you heavy with desperation. Wispy clouds can represent merest strands of hope or the slimmest chance of survival.But the sky is home." Replied Karna his voice lost completely
"You sound lost Bhargav what's the matter?", Aditya asked
"Nothing...leave it!!", Karna tried to avoid the subject
"Why do you think we are in this ashram?", Bhargav changed the topic without pestering Karna more as he knew he wasn't comfortable
"To learn Brahamastra!!", Karna's reply was quick
"Brahamastra!!", Aditya replied almost dryly and continued "What's the use of that astra? Why are we learning something that would kill all of us? There is no answer for Brahamastra so why are we learning a question that has got no answer? How can a source of destruction be cause of content to someone? How can we feel triumph when we kill so many? Why can't the Kings rule their kingdom with harmony and raise it to prosperity? Why they have to dream expansion of their territory?"
"It's their Dharma to expand! How can a king be without ambition? It's a virtue", Karna said firmly
"You sound like a warrior not a Brahmin Bhargav", Aditya replied with a soft smile waiting for his reply or rather protest which didn't come! Bhargav to Aditya was a mystery as if he had concealed himself but he did not force him to blurt out the thing he has kept in his heart for so long as he thought that may shatter the easy camaraderie between them! So to make environment light he said, "You should have a walk around Bhargav!"
"Hmm... I too think so!", Karna replied and went out
******
As he was wandering around he heard sound of some animal drinking water in the nearby pond. Thinking the animal to be wild Karna thought of practicing the Bhramandhvani vidya which he learned that day, where one has to close the eyes and hit the target following its sound. He removed a silk cloth and tied it on his eyes and aiming the target he did shoot arrow to test his knowledge but instead of a wild animal he heard a cow's painful cry. He rushed to the pond immediately, the cow had fallen down the arrow had hit her right in between of her forehead as he was about to move ahead He heard someone's painful cry, "Shubhra!!" It was the owner of that cow now dead the owner collapsed to the ground as he felt the pain as strong as one hundred daggers sinking into his stomach. Groaning and screaming with anguish, he writhed about on the ground, clutching the cow's body. His eyes were watery with the sheer pain and his breathing came out in sharp, shallow rasps. Sweat dripped down the side of his face and covered his forehead in a thin sheen. "H-help," he croaked, his desperate tone made his words almost inaudible, but they still echoed on that lonely Mahendra but it was too late!!
Crying he continued, "Shubhra...Who did this to you? How can someone even think of killing an animal like you? Why should I keep my body which lived on your milk now alive? You were the bread and butter to my family!! Oh how and why should I live now?"
Karna moved forward unsure that what should he do! But he has to ask his forgiveness as he wouldn't be able to bear one more sin!! He went to the person with folded palms as he has to apologize for the heinous sin he committed as he moved forward the person sitting and mourning on his cow's death lifted his head and got up
"Oh Bhramankumar...What can this poor farmer help you now? I don't have anything, I lost my hope today!! M-My Shubhra...", he said and keeping his head on Karna's shoulder started crying with pain maybe looking at Karna's clothes he didn't thought that he shot the arrow!
Karna went numb he couldn't feel anything, guilt flooded his mind, he felt as if somebody has taken away the ground under his feet and he collapsed down at that farmer's feet with folded hands, the daanveer who donated the complete Aryavarth generously was pleading for a daan! The daan of forgiveness!!
"Y-Your Shubhra...its because of me!...because of my arrow your Shubhra died! I am responsible for it, please forgive me! PLEASE!!", he had desperate plea in his words crowded with guilt
The farmer pushed him back, "Just move away!! Don't dare touch me",he screamed with wild anger and pain and continued, "You are a Rishi yet you commited heinous sin like Gohatya! How could you? Now I will show you what a farmer without tapasya can do!", his voice lit up with a rage
"No please no...I am no rishi I am a warrior just practicing my vidya, I will give you another cow but please forgive me PLEASE!!", said Karna his face completely drenched
"Another cow...", he repeated in anger and continued in same tone "I don't want anything from a sinner! You are a sinner. I curse you that in the most important battle of your life the wheel of your chariot will get stuck in the ground as your arrow is now stuck in my Shubhra's forehead and you too will die when you have no defenses with you in a helpless manner! You will be the most helpless in your last moments and will get a death that you never desired of!!! ", said the farmer burning with rage and anger and left
Karna held himself limply against the tree as he felt an aching sensation run through his body and to his head; it was excruciating. It was pain like he had never experienced before even when he ripped off his kavach and kundals. At the moment, he wanted to just grab his head and scream"stop!" but he couldn't even lift his arms against the pain he felt.
*****
He returned back to his ashram completely broken!! Lying down on his bed he was waiting for a sleep which did not seem to be in the way just the old farmer's words, "I don't want anything from a sinner! You are a sinner. I curse you that in the most important battle of your life the wheel of your chariot will get stuck in the ground as your arrow is now stuck in my Shubhra's forehead and you too will die when you have no defenses with you in a helpless manner! You will be the most helpless in your last moments and will get a death that you never desired of!" were in his mind he would hear them clearly!! His head was terribly spinning he shut his eyes tightly to get rid of the farmer's face that was in his eyes but it followed it in his dreams too! Every second night he would get it as a nightmare which would make him suddenly awake and the fear that he wouldn't die a brave's death was breaking him from inside.
Day's passed by as wind and in the ashram Karna soon became Parshuramas favorite disciple. The atmosphere there was completely in Karna's stride. The warm relation he shared with his guru made other students envious! Parshurama was too pleased by his grasping power and hunger to learn more. In his life so far he hadn't seen a student like him after Devavrata whom people now address with respect as Pitamah!
Karna was in his private heaven when he was with his guru but the guilt that he is receiving Brahamastra by speaking lie was killing him several times. He was dying thousands deaths each time when he was refusing to go along with his guru down of Mahendra to the Kalinga as entire Kalinga knew him as it was native place of Maharani Bhanumati and his wife Supriya! Days were flying away with the winds of time and the last chapter of Brahamastra was approaching near and on the auspicious day of Sharad Pournima when the moon shined gloriously and the reflection of the moon appeared brightly into the lake below, which made the whole Mahendra glow Parshurama handed over the complete Brahamastra to Karna
"Bhargav! I have completed my duty now", Said Parshurama proudly holding his shishya by his shoulders
"But what about my duty gurudev?", asked Karna
"A disciple like you is itself a gurudakshina to me Bhargav I don't want anything! If you want you may leave tomorrow", replied Parshurama his words covered with soft sadness of parting away from his shishya
The thought of leaving Mahendra and Parshuramas ashram made two pearl like tears escape Karnas eyes, he touched his guru's feet with overwhelming mixed emotions even his guru too caressed Karna's head like father does to his child, even a person like Parshurama couldn't stop a tear from his eyes and it fell on Karna's head!
*****
Next day dawned Karna was preparing to leave ashram packing his luggage he came out and as a final goodbye to Aditya hugged him. He went to say Goodbye to his guru
"Gurudev I am leaving now!", said Karna and took Parshurama's blessings and as he began to leave
"Bhargav!!", called out his gurudev
"Aagya Gurudev!", replied the obedient disciple
"Just get a stone to keep under my head, I wish to take a nap", said Parshurama
Karna tried hard but couldn't get a little smooth stone where his guru would place his head peacefully! He felt guilty of himself that he couldn't even complete his guru's small demand!! He returned to his guru's Kutti
"Oh gurudev! Please place your head on my lap and complete your sleep", asked Karna
"Bhargav this is what I will consider your gurudakshina to me",Parshurama said with a slight glint in his eyes and continued. "But look to it that I am not disturbed until I complete my sleep! Always remember that sleep and promise shouldn't remain incomplete"
Parshurama rested his head on Karna's left lap and went fast asleep, but suddenly a black insect that completely fed on wood came in the kutti and sat on Parshurama's hair. Karna waved it off taking care that his Guru's sleep isn't disturbed, next the insect moved to Karna and fluttered around his ears he just shook it off and fell on Karna's right thigh he pushed it down. but after few seconds all of a sudden he felt an intense piercing pain shooting up his right thigh but he couldn't move as that would disturb his guru's sleep. His lap started bleeding. The sting of the tiny insect was like burning irons that were scalding his thigh but he bore the pain and sustained it but didn't move an inch to keep his promise to his guru!
After completing his sleep Parshuram woke up and as he looked at Karna's thigh his eyes were filled with surprise and he stared at Karna for few minutes and then the stream of blood that was flowing through his thigh and then back to Karna
All of sudden Parshuram's eyes were filled with anger, "Who are you? What is your Kul?", asked Parshurama his each word was burning with anger
"B-Bhargav from Bhrugu Kul of Brahmins", Karna answered in a bit uneasy tone
"Asambhav!!", roared the great teacher, "A Bhramankumar cannot sustain such a high pain!...tell me from which kshatriya kul you belong?"
"I-I am not a ksatraiya I am a S-sutputra Karna", replied Karna his eyes lowered
"Are you the king of Aanga Angaraj Karna", asked Parshurama his anger intensified
"Y-yes but please forgive me! Guru Dronacharya rejected teaching me on the basis of cast and you too taught only Brahamins so where should a suta learn Brahamastra? It was the reason I lied gurudev please forgive me!", replied Karna
"Brahamastra!!", Parshurama's anger intensified and in the same tone he continued "It's the reason for what you felt to lie to me! Go away and remember that in the most important moment of your life when you would need it the most you will forget whatever I taught you!"
"No-no please no!", said Karna falling at the feet of his guru His eyebrows were pinched together, and overwhelming sadness sat in his eyes. Tears build up, threatening at any moment to fall onto his cheeks. Suddenly, the tears overwhelmed his eyes, and sobs started to escape.
"Just get lost...only because you are in front of me I control my anger! Go away before it burst out and burn you alive", said Parshrama in the same tone
Karna moved out of the kutti with drenched face and eyes lowered completely lost. Aditya who was too crying for his friend immediately brought a medicinal vanaspati and applied it to Karna's bleeding thigh but it didn't stop the suffering that he was going through!
Flames of Hell painfully danced,
Flared up by unseen Fate's hand,
In his eyes now so far distanced
From all that's of temporal sand.
Flared up by unseen Fate's hand,
In his eyes now so far distanced
From all that's of temporal sand.
(not my words)
On his way back to Hastinapur the only thing he murmured was"SHAPIT VIDYA!"
...The end...
************
(Note: Aditya here is completely my imagination and has no relation with the actual epic)
(Please ignore grammatical and spelling errors
)